65lbs lost…then life happened

I was relieved when I was given the great news that the signs of pseudotumor cerebri  (or benign intracranial hypertension) had disappeared. My headaches had improved and I had been doing great maintaining my 65lbs weight loss but then life happened. My husband and I desired another child and within months our wishes had come true. With that came the nausea and fatigue, out the door went my healthy eating and on came the pounds. Quickly! The sicker I felt, the more junk I would eat. Yes, I did try to eat some healthy items for the baby but I also ate lots of my favorite fat and sugar-ridden obsessions.  At around 10 weeks I got a huge surprise, TWINS! I was shocked, elated and incredibly “hungry sick”.  That’s my combination of an uneasy stomach with an undying desire for carbohydrate dense foods. It’s no wonder I gained lots of weight. How much? I honestly can’t tell you because I just became oblivious to the scale.  A few months after the twins were born, I started to monitor my eating again and I made my way back down to 260lbs. Being an even busier mom of four now, I became content with the idea that I was within 10lbs of my previous weight loss even though I was incredibly insecure about how I looked.  It wasn’t until the twins were just over 18 months that I decided to attempt more weight loss. At this point I hated the idea of logging my food but found a new passion for fitness with the Salsaerobics and Zumba classes. It wasn’t easy the first time I walked in, I wanted to hide in the corner where hopefully no one would notice me and all that jiggled when I moved. Before I knew it, none of that seemed to matter and I was hooked! Someone like me, who would never get up before 10am on a Saturday was getting to the gym no later than 745am to make sure I could get my spot in that mornings class. I would even set my alarm at 5am to call in my childwatch reservation for the next day’s class. I could feel this healthy fit person inside me just screaming to get out. I wanted to keep up with the pros and have the body to match but food was my struggle. I wasn’t making the right choices, being seduced by french fries and chocolate cake my weight loss was minimal. I unhappily teetered between 250lbs and 265lbs for the next 6 months. My husband being military, it was once again time to pick up and move thousands of miles away from everything that was familiar and comfortable. I found myself totally discouraged when I was unable to find my new joy, Zumba near our new home. I simply gave up and quit.  I had allowed life’s challenges to defeat me once again.

Finally! 08/21/10

199lbs

I have finally broken my plateau, maybe? I am just having a hard time believing it. My weight had been stuck at just over 200lbs for weeks. I am fully aware that I have an unhealthy obsession with my scale but when your working hard ever day to lose weight you can’t help but want to see those numbers drop. Previously I had made a very realistic goal with my trainer to be under 200lbs by my birthday (June 12^th) and I only reached 214lbs. I was so disappointed but resigned myself to the fact that it would happen in time. By about the middle of July I had reached 201lbs and I was beyond excited. I thought for sure that within days I would no longer have to look at that ugly 200lb marker on my scale. A week went by and then another. The scale went up a two pounds then down one and then up another three. I refined my meals and put in extra cardio time at the gym just waiting for that stupid scale of mine to say 199lbs. I became so discouraged and whinny driving my trainer and husband crazy with complaints.  The only thing I did know for certain was that I wasn’t giving up. I am still uncertain what my target weight will be but I knew that 200lbs wasn’t it. I didn’t even think of going back to my old junk food gorging ways.  Three days ago I looked down at the scale and there it was, 199lbs. Did I jump for joy, call my husband with delight, text my trainer or even post it on Facebook? Nope! I stepped off, gave it a good shake, stepped back on and looked again. Yup, it says 199lbs but will it tell me that again tomorrow? The next day it read 201lbs, which ironically enough didn’t upset me this time.  So you’ll never guess what I did when I woke up this morning. Of course I weighed myself, 199lbs! Ok I believe it and feel encouraged that my hard work will continue to pay off.  Within time I WILL reach all my goals.

So I had to lose at least 10%

It was October 2004, I was about 5 months pregnant with my second daughter (Summer) and completely overwhelmed by the fact that I had been diagnosed with some bizarre unfamiliar condition called pseudotumor cerebri  (or benign intracranial hypertension) that threatened my vision.  A not so sympathetic neurologist told me that my only choice was to lose about 10% of my body weight and hope that it resolved my condition before I suffered any permanent damage. After a lot of self-pity and a gallon of tears it finally sank in that I just needed to get my act together and I started to make “little” changes to my eating habits. Of course I lost a few pounds but it wasn’t until Summer was about 3 months old and our move to Hawaii that I began to make big changes.  I met with my new doctor who checked my thyroid and adjusted my medication (for my Hypothyroidism). She enrolled me into a medical weight loss program through the hospital that included a weeklong course on nutrition. I took it very seriously, I walked, logged all my food (on Fitday.com) and went to every weekly meetings. It only took a few months and I lost about 40lbs but I grew tired of the journaling and began to slack off. I did the best I “thought” I could with my food choices and there I stayed at about 275lbs with no further weight loss. When the scale began to move upward again I panicked and went right back to logging my food but I was stuck. This time was even more challenging then before. I hadn’t adjusted well to our move, now having two small children, my husband working horribly long hours and having no friends or family on the island had caused me to sink into a state of depression. Call it Postpartum; call it Adjustment disorder, whatever it was I needed some support. I went to therapy where I was encouraged to seek out a moms group and regain control over my weight. With time and the support of my new friends I felt better and was able to get back on the path to weight loss. Even without any real attempt at exercise I was able to get down to about 250lbs by simply logging my food. Being aware of the amount of calories and fat I was consuming was all it took for me to successfully lose a total of 65lbs. Now I knew that it wasn’t my thyroid or genetics that was causing me to be overweight, it was the food I had chosen to eat. What a revelation, right? 

Today in review 08/20/10

The morning went very smoothly, everyone was up , dressed and fed, with the my big girls backpacks and homemade lunches in hand and out the door on time for the school bus.  Then I sat and enjoyed my usual favorite breakfast of plain Greek  yogurt, fresh blueberries and granola (Cascadian Farms Organic Maple Brown Sugar) while the twins played.  I was so grateful not to feel as tired this morning as I had all this past week and was looking forward to my workout. I am a member of the Richmond Hill YMCA and I’ve got to tell you, “I Love that place!” The people (both staff and members) are friendly, inspiring and encouraging. I decided to change things up and try a Step class today after I did a 25 minute warm-up on the elliptical and fun Zumba class. Hey, I get two hours of childwatch a day for the twins and I am going to use it. I found both Zumba and Step challenging for me not just because you get tired from moving moving moving but because it forces you to move in a way my body is not accustom to. I felt very satisfied and even energized when I was done.  I’ve been consistently going to the gym a minimum of 3 times a week since February but most recently I go as often as 6 times a week because it makes me feel so good.  I am not saying I love the elliptical, the treadmill or anything else in the gym for that matter but I love how I feel after I’ve done a hard workout. It was a great day!   

And so the Journey Began...

The reaction of shock I get when I tell someone that I use to weight 320lbs is a priceless gift to me. I have embarked on a journey (of better health) that has changed my whole life and paid out so much more then I had ever imagined. I am beyond thrilled that my success of becoming a healthier person has inspired so many around me and that is why I have decided to start my blog.  I am a 34, a stay at home mom of four vibrant children (Bailey 8, Summer 5, Hannah and Zachary 2) and a proud military wife. I have lived a truly blessed life with the only exception being one enormous battle with the monster called food and my total lack of enthusiasm for exercise.  Looking back at pictures of me at my heaviest seems so unreal. I remember how that person felt (embarrassed, uncomfortable and very unhappy) but it’s weird how I don’t remember being that person. I don’t remember seeing myself as that big and I was big, tipping the scale at 315 and a size 26 (at 5’9” tall). I remember being afraid to stand on a step stool for fear I’d break it or not fitting in a chair. I remember having trouble breathing and keeping up with my little girl had become almost impossible. I remember not fitting into a single item in my closet and the dread of the department store dressing room but I never really was aware of how big I had allowed myself to become. Oh and the excuses one can come up with to attempt to explain away the fat. One of my excuses was the fact that I have Hashimoto’s disease (better known as Hypothyroidism) that slows your metabolism, often causing weight gain and another being that lots of women in my family are overweight so it must be genetic, right? Of course I was full of everyday excuses as to why I didn’t have time because I was too busy with the kids, or I didn’t get a good enough sleep, or the kids were being cranky.  Excuses, Excuses, EXCUSES! They drive me crazy these days. I’ve learned that there just isn’t room in life for excuses as to why you can’t take care of yourself.  Something has just clicked with me and I truly look at life and how I want to live it in a totally different way. Now this didn’t happen for me overnight, it was all baby steps and it didn’t really begin because I saw the need to loose the weight but because I was scared into it.  My journey to weight loss began when I was pregnant with my second child (Summer). I had been experiencing some awful headaches and had recently had an abnormal eye examination; the diagnosis was pseudotumor cerebri  (or benign intracranial hypertension), essentially increased spinal fluid on the brain. A disease that is most often found in Caucasian females who are overweight and the major risk being the loss of my eyesight. I was terrified! What would I do if I lost my vision? It was explained that the condition was caused obesity and that it may resolve itself if I lost some weight. So there it was, I must loose weight and my journey began.